


Tell

by SinPark



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Hwang Hyunjin-centric, Hyunjin is Sad, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Non-Consensual Touching, Original Character(s), Plus an Epilogue, Protective Minho, Sad, Stray Kids Ensemble - Freeform, Two Shot, she's sweet but has a dark side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-08-21 01:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16566665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinPark/pseuds/SinPark
Summary: I’d come in to be greeted with a playful kiss on the cheek, or someone else’s fingers laced between mine. It used to calm me down after harder days, now itmakesharder days. But how do you tell your closest friends that they make you feel like shit on the daily? How do you go up to them and say they make you feel cheap, and like what you want isn’t important?ORHyunjin is hurting, and unknowingly, the members are making it so much worse.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I promise that literally nothing in here should be triggering. When I say "No Archive Warnings Apply," I mean none apply, so don't let the additional tags scare you.
> 
> Please enjoy! But I will warn you, It's currently 2:08 AM, so this hasn't been edited at all.

Laughter filled the kitchen as most of the members stood around in wait for Woojin and Changbin to return with some takeout from their favorite Japanese place down the road. Hyunjin watched Chan throw his head back at something Jeongin said, followed by one of Jisung’s ever-hilarious commentaries. However, Hyunjin wasn’t quite feeling it. His lips upturned in a smile, but he couldn’t make himself laugh along with them.

He sat at the bar between Felix and Minho, while Chan and Seungmin stood shoulder to shoulder on the other side; Jisung and Jeongin each perched on the countertop near the sink. In the midst of the conversation, the door opened, causing an uproar as two of their oldest members filed in. Due to the commotion, Hyunjin almost didn’t realize when Minho snaked an arm around his waist. Almost. His back straightened, but he managed to play it off by standing up. Minho gave him a puzzled look.

“Sorry hyung, I left my phone in my room and it’s almost dead. I just want to make sure it’s plugged in,” he lied, hiding the block in his pocket by stuffing his hand in.

“Okay,” Minho acknowledged.

“See you in a minute,” Felix called after he’d already turned around. Hyunjin threw up a hand in a half-hearted wave.

A sigh escaped his lips once the door closed behind him. He ran a hand through his hair before flopping onto his bed; pulling the nearly fully-charged phone out of his jacket and opening the notes application. He typed away.

_11/9/18_

_I want so badly to tell them, but I feel like I’m being petty; overthinking things. Wouldn’t be the first time… When they touch me, it’s like there’s no love in it, and it doesn’t really matter if I want to hug or hold hands or not, it’s just okay for them to do what they want. I know none of them mean it like that, but sometimes, I guess it just comes across that way._

_Whenever I pull away or try to gently ask them to stop, I’m met with harsh eyes and disapproving tones. Like a couple weeks ago, when Seungmin hugged me from behind. I was startled, so I flinched and pulled his arms off me. I’d thought I was alone, so I figured my reaction, though a bit dramatic, made sense. But he just... glared at me. Asked “What’s wrong with you today?” I still have no clue what else I did wrong that day to make him say that._

_Or last night, when Channie-hyung came into my room because he thought I was upset with him?? I don’t even know, honestly. But we were sitting down on the bed and he put his hand on top of mine and I pulled away because I didn’t like it, and it got really tense._

_And a couple days ago, when I walked into practice and Changbin-hyung slapped my ass. I know he was just trying to be funny, but all the noise after, from everyone shouting and cheering like he was some sort of hero for making me uncomfortable._

_Even two months prior. I came out of the recording studio once Chan had what he needed, and I moved to sit in the empty seat next to Jisung. I didn’t make it there before Jisung yanked me into his lap. I tried to get up, but his grip just kept getting tighter. He kept breathing on my neck and playing with my hair._

_I used to love all the affection… I don’t know what happened. I bring up these moments because they’re the most memorable, but it’s happened so many times in between. I wish it would go back to when I not only felt cared for when they touched me, but when I craved it. It used to be one of the things I looked forward to when I got home from school._

_I’d come in to be greeted with a playful kiss on the cheek, or someone else’s fingers laced between mine. It used to calm me down after harder days, now it makes harder days. But how do you tell your closest friends that they make you feel like shit on the daily? How do you go up to them and say they make you feel cheap, and like what you want isn’t important?_

_This simple issue has been making me anxious since we went to New York, in like, June. There was a time when I could walk into any given space in our dorms and be comforted by a hand on my shoulder, or around my waist, whereas now, any time I’m not alone, I get anxiety that whoever I’m with will come up and touch me, as if it’s going to hurt. And it seems like it has; emotionally anyway._

_I hate that I’m like this; that I have anxiety attacks over where the hand of one of my bandmates will land next before I’ll even start to worry over learning choreo in time, memorizing my lines, or finishing homework before the deadline. I’m in a constant state of paranoia relating to when I’ll be touched, where, and by whom._

_Receiving physical affection shouldn’t do this; it’s supposed to make me feel good and it used to, but ever since things at school changed, everything’s been different. It makes me question how many people think of me this way; as just a cheap shell of a person that they can do with as they please._

_Whenever it happens, my ears start ringing, and everything becomes overwhelming. I get light sensitivity, and my head aches like hell, and everything is too loud. It’s scary. It’s terrifying. I hate it. I try to stop it from going that far, but in the end, nothing works. I want to tell them but I can’t bear the thought of being mea_

The knob on his door turned and in came Woojin.

“Hey, everything okay?” the eldest asked.

Hyunjin hummed and nodded with a smile. “Yeah. My mom texted, and I guess I just got caught up talking to her.”

“Ah, okay. We were just worried you weren’t feeling well.” Hyunjin shook his head. “Do you want to come eat?”

“Sure, hyung.”

With that, the pair left the room and trailed back to the common area. During their short journey, Hyunjin made sure to remain at least two feet behind Woojin at all times to avoid any risk of physical contact. He took his place at the foot of the table, while Woojin resumed his seat beside Chan.

“There’s our boy,” Changbin called.

Hyunjin let out a chuckle as a faint blush rose to his cheeks.

“I thought you might’ve fallen asleep,” Felix said, placing a hand overtop Hyunjin’s arm where it rested on the table.

The latter coughed, pulling the same arm up to cover his mouth. “I’m going to grab some water. Be right back.”

Once in the kitchen, he took four deep breaths as clear liquid poured into the glass where he held it at the fridge’s dispenser.

_It’s alright. He didn’t do anything. You’re okay. Just calm down. Nothing happened. You’re fine._

The glass filled, and although he dreaded it, Hyunjin trekked back into the dining room. The rest of the meal continued on in relative peace. Jeongin talked to Minho and Chan about school while, on the other side of the table, Jisung rambled about an idea for some song lyrics; going over the concept with Changbin while Seungmin listened in.

“How was your day, Hyunjinnie?” Woojin asked.

“Good. Classes were sort of light with homework this week, so the weekend won’t be so full.”

“Oh, yeah.” Chan looked up to address him. “Seungmin was talking to me the other day. Said there was some rumor going around about a problem with you and a teacher?”

He laughed airily. “That’s just gossip, hyung,” he assured. “I don’t know why it started. None of my grades have gone below a B, and I can’t think of anything I might’ve done during class to start that kind of story.”

For the most part, his words were true. His grades stayed above average, and nothing happened during class that could’ve gotten him into any sort of negative light. But those were the keywords: “during class.”

“Are you sure?” Chan encouraged. “I’m not mad or anything; I just want to make sure you’re doing okay. Life is stressful enough as it is without school, but add on homework, nasty classmates, and demanding teachers, and it gets worse.”

Hyunjin nodded his agreement. “Everything’s fine, hyung.” He pushed his food around on his plate a little more before taking a bite.

_What did Seungmin even hear about? And why would he tell someone else before coming to me?_

“I guess I had it wrong,” the boy in question said. “I heard a few upperclassmen saying they saw Mister Yong get sort of physical with you after class one day, when he’d asked you to stay behind.”

Minho’s eyes flared as he glanced between the two students. Hyunjin sank back in his chair.

“Is that true?” Minho demanded.

“Of course not, hyung.” he shook his head. “Nobody hit me.”

“Did he do anything else?” Woojin questioned.

Hyunjin groaned. “Really, can’t we just drop it? I’m fine.”

“When did he keep you after class?” Chan asked, tone and expression far more composed that that of the others’.

“Monday,” Hyunjin answered compliantly. “It’s already the end of the school week, so can’t we just leave it be?”

Felix squeezed his shoulder. “What did he want you to stay for?”

Hyunjin squirmed; not only under the boy’s touch, but the eight sets of eyes on him.

“I don’t know. It wasn’t really important. I think we just talked about a homework assignment. He told me I did good…”

“You think?” Jisung asked.

Hyunjin shrugged, gently shifting away from Felix. The blonde seemed to get the memo and retracted his hand.

“It’s been a while,” he muttered. “Between recording sessions, dance practice, and homework, I don’t have that many extra brain cells to worry over what a teacher said to me five days ago if it wasn’t that important.”

“But it’s not the first time he’s held you after class, hyung,” Jeongin said softly.

“No, it’s not,” Hyunjin admitted. “We just, kind of clicked well, I guess. We talk on occasion. Really, you guys are reading way too far into this.”

“Okay,” Chan gave. “We’ll quit pushing it.”

“But you’re serious that nobody hit you, right?” Minho wanted to know; still a flicker of disbelief in his eyes.

Hyunjin huffed and stood from his chair, taking his plate and glass with him.

“God, yes, hyung! Would you leave it alone? Jesus.”

He went to wash his dishes before a hand wrapped around his wrist, causing him to jerk and recoil. His gaze connected with Seungmin’s. While Hyunjin’s saw hurt in the other’s eyes, fury filled his own.

“Don’t touch me.”

With one last roll of his eyes, Hyunjin stormed into the kitchen without a glance back. He cleared his plate and washed up before loading his dishes in the dishwasher and heading back to his room. Once there, safe behind his shut door, he let the tears fall.

Sure, he wanted to appear angry in front of his team, but that was only to avoid coming off weak. He moved to his nightstand, and unlocked his phone using his fingerprint. Other than that, the boy didn’t move; simply read over his thoughts from an hour before.

_Please don’t let them know I’m upset. Don’t let them come ask. Don’t let them try to touch me the same way. Don’t let me think about it._

His thoughts seemed to cloud his hearing because before he knew it, a hand on his cheek sent him reeling backwards. He clutched at his sides, and through blurry vision, made out Chan’s figure in front of him.

“Hyunjin, what’s wrong? What happened out at dinner and why are you crying?”

Hyunjin thanked God that Chan didn’t seem upset with him, rather confused, and rightfully so. Nevertheless, he shook his head and tightened his arms around himself. He felt the ghost of a hand on his jaw for a fraction of a second before it disappeared, only to be replaced by another on his waist; that one dying to the one in his hair before it, too, faded out of existence. He sobbed louder and shoved a hand over his mouth.

“Jin.” Chan’s voice came out helpless; at a loss. “Come here so I can help, or at least tell me what I can do. Anything, Jinnie.”

In the process of avoiding his hyung’s stare, Hyunjin’s own gaze landed on his phone, which glowed all too bright in the dark room. Chan followed his eyes, then the two looked right at each other. Hyunjin felt and probably appeared like a deer in headlights. They both lunged for the phone at the same time, but Chan had been closer, and he reached it first.

“Hyung, no,” he pleaded.

The leader returned his focus to the boy in front of him. “Hyunjin, either you have to tell me what’s going on, or I’ll have to read this. I’m not doing it to hurt you, but something clearly isn’t right, here.”

Hyunjin froze; stared at the man in his doorway. His face changed momentarily, and the boy flinched, but with a blink of his eyes, everything looked normal again.

“Please,” the older begged. “I need you to say something, Jinnie. It’s okay to tell me. I’m not going to get mad at you, or disappointed. I just need to know, and I don’t care whether I find it out from you, or by reading what’s on your phone, but I know that you might, so I’m giving you this chance to tell me before I see anything you don’t want me to see.”

The boy fought his body so hard to make the words come out, to even his breaths to the point that he could speak again, to calm his mind enough for him to stop seeing what wasn’t there, but to no avail. He fell onto his bed and pressed his back into the wall; head in his hands.

The room fell into a state of stillness. It seemed to Hyunjin as if time went still and only allowed him to move. He couldn’t hear anything from outside, and he could hardly determine if Chan was petrified, had it not been for the way his eyes scanned line after line on the screen of his phone. Hyunjin could tell he started at his most recent entry, as he kept scrolling up every few seconds. He knew he hadn’t reached the top, though, when is shoulders sagged and the smallest whisper of a gasp parted his lips. The student almost didn’t notice the tear tracks on his face until the light that flowed in from the other room made them glow.

“Why didn’t you come to me? Any of us?”

“He said you wouldn’t believe me.”

Chan’s eyes narrowed. “And you thought he was _right_?”

“I don’t know. I thought that saying something would make it worse; make it all more real. Nothing ever really happened. I just got uncomfortable.”

“But you knew it was wrong, didn’t you?” Chan’s tone wasn’t accusatory, but concerned.

“Yes,” he admitted. “I doubted myself, though. Thought maybe I was overthinking it; making a big deal out of nothing.”

“If you saw him doing that to a classmate, would you have second-guessed yourself?”

“Never.”

Chan nodded, and sad next to him on the bed. “I’m sorry. We’ll call the school tomorrow. At the very least, you’ll be taken out of his class. Hopefully, the administration will let him go.” Hyunjin nodded. “I’m also sorry we kept making you feel bad. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have let it continue.”

“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin whispered. “I didn’t mean to yell at dinner. I didn’t mean to argue with you. I didn’t mean to.”

“Nobody’s upset with you,” Chan promised. His hand came up as if he intended to wipe the tears off of the younger’s face, but he stopped short. Hyunjin peered up and took the older’s hand in his.

“Logically,” he began, “I know you’d never hurt me; that no one here would ever hurt me, but it’s like I can’t get a part of my brain to understand that...the part that deals with fear. And it’s not even like Mister Yong hurt me. He didn’t. I’m fine. But when I realize how close I was to something bad happening, I freak out.”

“It’s okay,” Chan said under his breath.

They sat in the stillness of the bedroom for a moment longer before Chan spoke up again.

“Would it be okay,” he started gently; hand still tangled in Hyunjin’s, “if we tell the others before bed tonight? Just to get it over with and clear the air.”

“Hyung…”

“Yes?”

“Can you tell them? I don’t want to start crying in front of everyone. I think one outburst is enough for one evening.”

Chan chuckled. “Sure thing, Jinnie. Let’s go.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I wrote the first chapter of Tell, and, fortunately, the second took me more than a couple hours to write, and I did all of it between 1-3 in the afternoon instead of that early in the morning this time, so perhaps, this might be a little smoother.

With a touch of calculated persuasion, Hyunjin convinced Chan to let him change into more comfortable clothes before facing the others. The Australian set the boy’s phone on his nightstand, just as he’d found it, and left Hyunjin with a faint smile.

Hyunjin dreaded going outside, to some degree, but he was keenly aware that in his living room, he’d only find family, comfort, understanding; good things that he knew he needed right now. Part of him wanted to stay in bed, though, and dwell on the evening’s events; the way he snapped at Seungmin and Minho, and how he’d argued with his leader. But, he knew he needed his member’s support.

As he changed, he reassured himself of every little thing he’d been thinking for the past several weeks.

_I know they’ll react well. I know that. It wasn’t my fault and I didn’t do anything wrong. I just took too much time to speak up. And that’s okay. All that matters now is that the nine of us are okay._

In flannel pyjama pants and an oversized t-shirt, Hyunjin grabbed his phone and headed to the living room, where Chan had gathered all the members. Jisung, Seungmin, and Felix took up the long sofa, with Jeongin perched on the armrest, while Minho sat criss-crossed in the recliner. Changbin placed himself at the foot of Minho’s chair while Chan was on one half of the loveseat; Woojin leaning against the side of it to leave the empty place for Hyunjin to sit down, and so he did.

Nobody said anything for what felt like twenty minutes, but was likely closer to twenty seconds. He shifted uncomfortably, pulled his legs up to wrap his arms around them and make himself smaller. Despite being the original visual, Hyunjin avoided the center of attention.

“Jinnie,” Minho said, tone light, “what’s been going on?”

“Take your time,” Chan whispered. “And when you want me to take over, let me know and I will.”

Hyunjin nodded and fiddled with a wrinkle in his pants near his knee.

“Mm… I get uncomfortable when y’all touch me sometimes. Most of the time?” His eyes stayed trained on the floor in front of him.

“Why not just tell us that?” Seunming blurted, always the blunt one.

“I didn’t want to sound mean.”

“That’s not mean,” Seungmin stated; his expression blank. “Telling us that something we do bothers you, the way you are right now, isn’t mean. It’s healthy. Acting out and pushing us away like you did earlier hurts, Hyunjin.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s okay,” the other assured. “We just want to know why, so that we can understand.”

Hyunjin let out a noise of frustration; something quiet between a groan and a whine.

“Is there some reason you feel so hesitant to tell us?” Felix wondered. “Other than coming across as mean?”

“No,” Hyunjin replied. “I trust all of you. Talking about it makes it more real, I guess.” Hyunjin found that to be the best way he could describe the cause of his wariness, just as he told Chan before.

“But ignoring the problem won’t make it go away,” Woojin said gently.

“Hyunjin,” Changbin called. The boy looked up and met his eyes. “You say you don’t like it when we touch you.” Hyunjin nodded. “I’m not trying to imply that you’re lying, because I don’t think that you are, but I’m having trouble connecting the dots.” Hyunjin hummed, urging Changbin to continue.

“You often initiate skinship, especially when the cameras are rolling,” he said. “Is it different when you’re the one starting?”

Hyunjin bobbed his head once again. “Sometimes, I feel the way I used too, as in, I really want to hug someone or cuddle or something. But, when I’m not the one initiating, I don’t know…” He sighed. “It’s like I know I’m not okay with it, but it’s happening anyway, and that’s just been a problem for me lately.”

“When did it start being a problem?” Jisung asked, brows furrowed.

“A few months ago…”

Everyone’s eyes blew open at that. Hyunin shrunk under their stares. The others took notice of his discomfort and were quick to compose themselves.

“Why has it taken so long for you to say something?” Jeongin wanted to know. “Surely when it started it didn’t have you so worked up.”

“It didn’t,” Hyunjin admitted. “But…” His gaze focused on the ground. “I’ve been dealing with some things, and it’s always felt like it would get worse if I told you. I don’t really know why I thought that, but I did, so.”

“Hyunjin,” Woojin began. “Do you know what caused this?”

He huffed and turned to Chan, who gave him a reassuring smile, and nodded.

“When I was talking with him a minute ago,” Chan said, “we agreed that I’d explain.”

Minho’s expression contorted into something of confusion, but everyone else went with it.

Chan took a deep breath. “Several months ago, Hyunjin needed to ask a teacher to be excused from class one day the following week because of a schedule we had, and, god, I don’t want to sound like an uptight Christian homeschool mom but-” Minho let out a burst of giggles but hastily shut up with a glare from the entire 00’ line- “basically, that teacher made an inappropriate advance towards Hyunjin, but nothing escalated. However, he’s been very persistent since then.”

“Define ‘inappropriate,’” Jisung pushed.

Chan parted his lips to speak, but Hyunjin, to his own surprise, beat him to it.

“He said that if I wanted off, I had to let him kiss me.”

“Yeah, sorry, but he’s dead by daylight,” Minho decided. “Don’t worry, I know just where to hide the body.”

“If you move from that chair, you won’t last until midnight; forget dawn,” Changbin warned. “Be quiet and listen to what they’re trying to say.”

Minho huffed and rolled his eyes, but settled in nonetheless. In the corner of his eye, Hyunjin saw Felix pout and shift Jongin from the armrest into his lap to cuddle.

“Was it Mister Yong?” Seungmin asked.

“Mm-hmm,” Hyunjin hummed.

“Do you know why other students thought he hit you?” Jeongin said between struggles to loosen Felix’s grip.

“Yes…” _I’d hoped they wouldn’t remember that…_ “He crowded me against a desk, which, I should’ve known better than to stand in front of, and he touched my face, but I ducked under his arm and left the classroom right after that.”

“How often does he make these sort of approaches?” Changbin questioned.

“Two or three times a week,” Hyunjin mumbled. He adjusted his position to where one leg remained up, while the other laid with his knee stuck out in Chan’s direction. “It’s not-” he cut himself off with a deep breath. “He hasn’t done anything that’s actually hurt me. Nothing’s happened; I’m just overreacting.”

“No,” Seungmin said, tone firm. “Whatever he’s been trying to get you to do obviously made an impact. You’re uncomfortable in your own home, and that discomfort started with him. You’re not overreacting, Hwang Hyunjin. Don’t belittle yourself because someone else wronged you.”

Hyunjin’s eyes glossed at the words. He hung his head, top lip pulled between his teeth, arms covering his torso. He didn’t know why he felt so called-out. Seungmin was just speaking what he knew should be common sense.

“I’m not trying to make you upset, Jinnie, I just want you to know that whatever you feel is valid, and it always will be. It doesn’t matter if some old guy says otherwise.”

Hyunjin couldn’t help the grin that etched its way onto his face, but he didn’t want to fight it, either.

Woojin cleared his throat. “Jinnie, I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable with this question, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, okay?” The eldest leaned forward to peer at him from across Chan’s form and waiting for Hyunjin’s nod of approval to continue. “How far has he gone?”

The question wasn’t what he expected, but he hadn’t had time to think about what Woojin wanted to ask, either. He blinked, at a loss for anything else to do.

_Umm… How far has this really gone?_

Hyunjin thought back on a number of events; several of which he’d written about in his notes. His cheeks flushed. He hid his face behind an arm; eyes shut tight.

_I can’t tell them that. What will they think, knowing I let him hold me to get a day off, when I could have pushed him away? How will they react if I tell them I let him kiss me on the lips and down my neck to get him to give my work to one of the managers for the week we went to KCON New York? Wouldn’t it bother them if they were aware that I let him harass me for so long? Let him grab me and tell me that I had it coming?_

All of a sudden, he could see himself back in that empty classroom, blinds shut and door locked as a man he thought would help him pressed his back to the wall, pulled his hair, nibbled at his collar bones. He shook his head at the memory, and another formed in its place. He watched as he and the teacher argued back and forth; the time Hyunjin tried to persuade his teacher to quit trying.

Hyunjin didn’t realize his cheeks were wet until he felt someone’s hands wiping his tears away.

<>He never saw me cry. He never dried my tears…

He leaned into the touch; one that felt oddly unfamiliar, and peeked up to find Chan there to calm him down.

“Hyunjin, really, I’m sorry,” Woojin said, coming to sit at the boy’s feet. “I didn’t mean to make it worse. I just want to know what to do for you to be okay.”

Hyunjin couldn’t get the words out through his hiccups and ragged breaths, so he shook his head in an attempt to convey that there was no need to be sorry, but he didn’t think Woojin quite understood it that way. He buried his face in the blonde’s shoulder and squeezed his arm, passing the baton to him for the evening.

“There’s a note on Hyunjin’s phone,” Chan stated. “I read a bit of it. As far as I know, the farthest the teacher’s ever gone is a couple times when he tried to slip a hand under Hyunjin’s shirt, but that always ended in Hyunjin leaving very quickly.”

“And when he tried to kiss?” Felix asked, curious.

Chan nodded. “It happened.”

Hyunjin burrowed closer to Chan. His stomach churned in a way it hadn’t before. They all knew what he’d done, and none of them said a word. Hyunjin felt sick.

_Does this mean they hate me? Do they think I made it up? Seungmin has the same teacher, and Jeongin’s met him before, but they’ve never said he did anything like this. Will they think he’d never do something like this? Why did they have to know? Why couldn’t I just keep it together for this one dinner? I could have graduated without them ever knowing, but I ruined it._

“Jinnie,” Chan said softly. “Why are you crying? No one’s mad at you.”

Hyunjin choked out his response, but it was muffled by Chan’s sweater.

“Hmm?” The leader lowered his head to hear Hyunjin’s whispered response.

“I let him,” he whined. “It’s disgusting, I’m-”

Chan interrupted. “No, listen to me. You’re not disgusting and you didn’t _let_ him do anything. He abused his position as your teacher to manipulate you. You didn’t do anything wrong. Even if there were times when, sure, you had the power to push him off and leave, he made you feel like you didn’t. That’s why I’m going to talk to the managers first thing tomorrow morning and try to get your schedule changed. After that, we’ll see about getting him fired, hmm?”

“People will know,” he said once his breathing evened out a little more.

Chan shook his head. “We can report him anonymously. Your name won’t be attached at all. We’re going to be fine, you understand?” He paused, and turned Hyunjin’s head to look him in the eyes, but the other said nothing. “Do you trust me?” Hyunjin nodded.

_How could I not?_

Jisung and Seungmin escorted Hyunjin back to bed, where Seungmin stayed for an extra few minutes to talk about his outburst at dinner. In the morning, not much had changed. Chan spent the day at his desk, just like always, but this time on the phone rather than his laptop. He spoke to their managers and, thankfully, it didn’t take hardly any convincing to get them to contact the school, especially after Chan pointed out that they could file an anonymous complaint.

Not only was Mr. Yong not at school the following Monday, but he wasn’t at any other school, either. Apparently, their accusation gave others the courage to step forward as well, resulting in a total of six counts of sexual misconduct with a minor and abuse of a position of power. They’d ended his career. Now, he was out of Hyunjin’s life, and he’d never be able to victimize a student again.

After the members discovered Hyunjin’s aversion to physical touch, they’d backed of significantly, however, as he reverted back to his old love for affection bit by bit, they welcomed the change. It took months of them not pushing him away when he wanted a hug, of Hyunjin easing himself into holding their hands, but by summer break, he’d moved past the ordeal, with his eight brothers at his side the entire time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised this nearly a month ago. I knew basically what I wanted to write, but lacked inspiration for anything other than a roughdraft. So, I read quite a lot, found a work on here called "A Bee." It's in my bookmarks, and I highly recommend it. However, read the warnings first.
> 
> I'd also like to thank you all for the vast amount of love this story has gotten. I got about sixty kudos overnight, and that's big for me. None of my works got this much attention in such a short amount of time. Clear Divine is the story I'm most proud of, and it lacks a following. So for this last-second whirlwind of angst to attract so many comments and hits means a lot to me. Really, it's amazing that more than just two or three people left a comment.
> 
> I hope that the second chapter met any and all expectations you had. One of the reasons I waited to write it was because I wanted the follow up to get just as much love as this story did in the beginning. Again, I am really shocked with the turnout, so let me know if any of you Stay have other ideas you'd love to see in a Skiz fic, and I'll see what I can do to repay the favor.


	3. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised only one chapter more, but the story felt too incomplete without the epilogue, so instead of putting a time skip in the second chapter, I decided to give this piece its own piece.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

_5/14/19_

_It’s almost summer break, and I find it so hard to believe that almost exactly one year ago today, a teacher began harassing me. It’s like I’ve moved so far past it that it’s years behind me._

_Whenever I can’t sleep, my mind drifts off to darker places. I catch myself thinking about what would’ve happened if I hadn’t gotten so frustrated at the table that night. It was so hard then, telling them what happened, even if I left out a lot of specifics. I felt like I’d made a huge mistake by opening up that way, but I truly don’t know where I’d be without that accident and my members._

_They’ve helped me and respected me through it all. I feel so stupid now for worrying that they’d think I was disgusting for something that wasn’t at all my fault. I think back, and I’m unbelievably grateful for each of them, being here for me; comforting me on the nights I thought I felt a hand on my face or heard him telling me not to be so dramatic. They’ve all had so much patience._

_I surprise myself sometimes with how okay I am. That sounds really weird, I know. But, even just the other day, it happened. I was with Minho, and we were at a photoshoot for Naver, but both of us had finished and the group shots were taken first, so we were just messing around on the couch, right? He sat down first and I practically laid on top of him and pulled his arms around my stomach so he was hugging me from behind. We giggled and joked around about how stupid Felix’s shirt looked (sorry man), talking about nothing and everything all at once._

_And then there was that time a couple months ago, when I came home from a night class I’d taken up, and everyone was watching a movie in a giant dog pile on the floor. I changed and brought out a blanket and sat myself right in the middle of them all. Chan looked so excited to see me do that, and that’s probably the tightest he’s ever hugged me. I was so ecstatic that night._

_Or last week, when Jeongin was stressing like crazy over a chemistry test. I held his hand. I remember questioning myself. Like, since when do I do that? Except I always used to do that. And I didn’t even hold his hand because I felt like I was supposed to or anything, I just figured it would help. And it did. He smiled so bright, and it made me think about what he used to look like when he had braces. I think his smile suits him more without them. He may be eighteen, but honestly, he’s just as much of an adult at Chan. It scares me sometimes. Sure, he might’ve just been happy to see that I was comfortable with him again, but still, I love seeing him that way._

_Not too long ago, Felix was really worked up over a visit back home. I know things with his parents can get tense because they’re not as supportive as he wants them to be, but they love him no matter what; we all know that. Still, he got caught up thinking about ‘what if’s’. So I slept with him that night, without even having to ask myself if I was ready for that. I just knew, and I wanted to. I actually craved that kind of attention._

_There have been mishaps, of course. Not everything can go perfectly. Jiung felt so guilty after one day we were roughhousing with Changbin in the living room. Chan usually disapproved, but we were on break, so any scrapes we may have gotten would’ve been long gone by the time we needed to film anything. That, and he wasn’t there to tell us no, so, we went with it. It started with just Changbin and Jisung, but when I saw, I wanted in on that action. It only went downhill when Jisung tickled me, and I guess the hands on my side were just too much. I sort of froze, and they both instantly knew what was wrong. Jisung apologized so many times, but I didn’t panic or anything. I don’t really know what happened, but it wasn’t any sort of setback. We just discovered a boundary._

_By now I’ve gotten over that, of course. Still, I really took my time to get to this point. Like I said, there have been good times and bad times, and even now it isn’t perfect, but I’m getting there with everyone’s support, and I’m proud of myself for coming this far in, what? Six months?_

_In January, we’d gone out for hot chocolate. Literally the most embarrassing moment in front of people, ugh. Forget the night of me sobbing on the couch confessing I was being mistreated by a teacher. This was way worse. Changbin was trying to be cute. That alone is enough to make me shy in public, because I don’t know about you, but standing next to that, with people looking… Yeah, you could say my cheeks got pretty red._

_I’m not mad at him, I swear. It was a total accident. He just wasn’t thinking. We all do that sometimes. He was saying something in a disgustingly cute voice, and he cupped my cheeks. That’s it. That’s literally all he did. I reeled away so fast I bumped into Minho. He stumbled back a step and ended up spilling dangerously hot cocoa all over himself. We got him cleaned up pretty quick though, and Changbin wasn’t offended or anything, so I’m still really glad about that._

_One time, I forget how long ago, Woojin came in with Chan after recording really late. They’d been trying to test the limits of Woojin’s range, and he’s really pushed himself to go higher, but Chan’s made sure he hasn’t strained his voice or anything. Right, anyway. They’d ran back, and it was raining, and I was just sort of there, and without really looking, Woojin flopped onto me. I may or may not have shouted at him to back off, causing quite the uproar. The others filed in to see what the commotion was about, and that time, I did panic._

_That was one of the hardest nights for me. Not because of Woojin at all, just because I was feeling really panicked for no apparent reason that day. My anxiety was more intense, and so I reacted worse than I would have any other day. Then, with everyone in the room trying to calm me down, I just got overwhelmed, I think._

_Their understanding stuns me. In the choreography for one of more recent songs, there was a part where two people did this really complicated sort of spin around each other, but their arms were somehow touching, sort of like a mix between one part in Monsta X’s “Shootout” with Minhyuk and Hyungwon and EXO’s “The Eve,” when one person has their arm out and another kind of touches it? Like I said, overly complicated. Jisung reworked it so that it wasn’t an issue._

_Speaking of Jisung, he’s been really great about giving me space when I need it and attention in the right moments. Like on Tuesday, when I got off of school and found him on his phone in bed. I just kind of invited myself in, and he moved over to make room, and we cuddled for a while until dinner was ready._

_Even Seungmin, who is probably the least physically affectionate person in the group besides maybe Chan, has let me bother him when I’ve needed it. One morning, I woke up early and couldn’t fall back asleep because of everything I didn’t want to remember keeping me awake. I finally went into the kitchen for some coffee, and of course, being the early bird, Seungmin was already up. I must have looked stressed, because he made me one of his special cups of coffee he’d imported from like, Africa, and asked me “What can I do?” I just hugged him, and he held me for a good couple minutes before making me breakfast._

_All in all, I wouldn’t have recovered so much so quickly without them. These guys, as dorky and stupid as they can be, are family to me, and I can’t imagine having to live without them._

_Thanks, guys._

Hyunjin’s fingers hovered over the little square with an upwards arrow in the top right corner of his screen. So many times, he wanted to say ‘thank you,’ but no matter how he worded it in his head, nothing sounded quite right. He scanned through the words he’d written just one month ago, and realized that the only person who could accurately describe how much gratitude he had towards them, was himself at the time he felt it the most; his past self.

His finger stilled over the screen, and he sighed.

_I need them to know, and that’s not going to happen if I don’t say anything._

With just a little bit of pressure, he hit the share button, and forwarded the note to the group chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured this story wouldn't have as much character without another bit directly from Hyunjin. Thank you again for all the support this story has gotten.
> 
> Sorry if the time skip made it confusing, but to clarify, this note is actually something Hyunjin wrote in May of 2019, but he sends it to the members one month later.
> 
> Happy holidays :3

**Author's Note:**

> This may or may not get a second chapter, depending on how well it does. I have some ideas in mind, but this fic as a whole was a spur-of-the-moment decision, so unless y'all give it a lot of love, I'm not sure where I'll end it.
> 
> I felt bad for leaving my account high and dry, so this is what I came up with.
> 
> As usual, please let me know of any mistakes this work contains, and if you care to comment or leave kudos, it's greatly appreciated.  
> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> ~Prince


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